Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
