some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am naked and annoyed.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
