I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
