he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
