I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
