Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
