You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
