then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
