You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
