Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
