The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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