my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Randomize
