so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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