So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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