just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We left the knife in your bed.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
