hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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