Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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