I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
