Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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