bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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