I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
