It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
