The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
