How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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