i would punch a child for taco bell
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
