dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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