It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
