Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
