Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
