I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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