I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
