i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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