ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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