hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
