Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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