I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
