I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
