You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
