remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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