but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I want to be your penis for a week.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
