i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
