that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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