someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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