She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
