Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
