so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Did you pee in the oven last night??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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