On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
