Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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