At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
