I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
