the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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